Shadow of the day.

i have to..for his sake..

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

9:20 PM

helmi lied to me..
he's still with his gf..
that's it..
made my decision..
i want him out of my life..
let fate bring us together..
even though i still love him..
thing's were not meant to be..
even though he said he had the same feelings as me..
i know he didnt mean it..
and that he really love his girlfriend..

& im nothing compared to her...

i dont knw when this story will continue..
but i finally gave up..
thanks Helmi;

love is blind but its not cheap.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

2:59 PM

last 2 sunday..
suddenly helmi called me..
i was feeling fcuking happy..
he asked me for a favor..
i did what he said..

our meeting after 3 mths was fun..we slacked,only the 2 of us..
i watched him eat & ask him qns i always wanted to know..
one of it was why did he ran away from me without any reason??
he said that at that point of me he was still mad at me and he find there's no use contacting me and he doesnt want to have anything with me anymore..he deleted all of our pics & video..
i felt disappointed..furthermore he showed this folder on his phone..with all his pics & his gf..
when we met that day,i still felt the connection i've always had with him but i dont know whether he felt the same..

the day after..he was very friendly with me..and i like it..seriously..the way he treated me..
he even asked me to fetch him in front of his workplace which is quite shocking..
we slacked with all his friends..and i also did the plan he had..it was fun..his friends treat me nicely and they kinda flirt but its okay with me..helmi also flirt lahh but its normal for me already and i dont take it seriously,in fact i flirt back..hahahh..but i like it when he flirts..reminds me of when we first known each other..the way he talks and stuff..its still the same..

thursday was the most fun day..my family had a bbq outing at changi..and my cuzie syida told me to asked helmi along...i did try but he said he wasnt going..and i thought he really wasnt going cos that day i even confessed my feelings for him..but behind my back he told syida that he is going to the outing but he didnt want me to know yet..that day..in the mornin he msged me & i called him..that when he told me the truth..and he asked me to take him from work so that we can go to the bbq outing together..how fun was that!!!..so me & my cuzzie & my sis went to snowcity..cos her bf is also working there and she also wanted to fetch him..and as a group we could go together..so i waited for him till after work..and i felt kinda shy cos he knows i still have feelings for him..i got 2 big pictures of him..and i gav him our pics for him to keep..
when we went for the bbq..all went well..we chatted..and he kept taking photos of me & syida..
he make jokes and he chatted with my mum.and my aunty..hahahh..i watched him eat..i like to watched him eat..i dont know why..hehehh..my aunty said he's good looking..but too bad he wasnt my bf but at first when i brought him there,they thought we are a couple but we're not..we're only friends..

as day goes by..i heard alot of things bout him from his friends..and i dont know which one to believe cos i was so shocked and didnt know that he was that bad..i can say that when i heard all that stuff..my feelings kinda faded slowly..and the way he treated me day by day..the feelings even shrink more..i found out that he broke up with his gf recently..it was something that i had waiting for..but now..i think back..it doesnt make me happy..in fact im more upset cos my heart kept saying that he's just using me & when all the help is complete..he would run away from me again..im afraid of that & dun want that to happen..my heart told me to run away as fast as possible before he gonna hurt me more..cos he's still the same playboy that i've known..so what if i get him back or get to be close to him? the fact is i will only get hurt and the cycle will repeat itself..i know now i can handle his type of person but deep inside i know that i will still get hurt despite being patient with all his nonsense..and he would be enjoying himself..cos im a different person..

im confused...should i just run away from him like he did to me before??....